High fidelity

Let me make my list of top fives
Just like in that movie:

First, the boy with autumn leaves in his eyes
All our discussions about life
Walking along the seaside
Sharing a cigarette
Me, always wanting
something more than he can offer
lending a sympathetic ear as ransom
to keep his lips prisoner.
He thought I wanted to change him
I only wanted to be loved.

Second, another boy, ivory skin, long fingers
Following me like a stray cat
While I was battling my own demons
and planning my big escape.
I expected to find him there
Upon my return, unchanged
Instead he just broke my heart
Like I broke his
Without any malice, without even noticing.

Third, the man who found me
when I was lost, afraid, insecure
first talking about life, universe and everything
then exploring all the secret corners of passion
like kids playing in the sand
I poured all my surplus affection into him
all my unwritten, forbidden, shunned words
all my admiration, all the overflowing sensual energy
and he never took advantage of it
he never broke my heart, yet he has pieces of it
I still send kisses his way with every passing sparrow.

Fourth, the boy I first reluctantly shared my time with
then willingly and enthusiastically my body, inch by inch
finally, after a world of suffering
my heart, which I did not even know existed.
The boy I first painted my nails for
the one for whom I straightened my long curly hair
wore high heeled shoes, white stockings,
and finally, a ring.
the man I built my life around
who let me breathe for the first time
his smell, my oxygen
his skin, my home
trapped in the cage of his eyelashes, forever, my soul.

Yes, here's where the list ends,
there were others, for sure, pretty faces and all.
But not every heartache deserves a place in the top
Even when they make me stay up late at night
Trying to heal myself using just words...