Hell is other people

I can't find the right song to echo the one in my head

I can't say the right words to make you understand

Maybe all I want is for people to go away

There's nobody here like me, I just don't belong with them

Old fears, old habits, trying to creep back in

Getting older is feeling lonely again

All your best intentions do me no good

Trapped in my own world I just can't get out

I had my books filled with stories of success

tales of heroes, tales of courage and how one should take charge

Now all they say is that life is unfair

"Nothing is your fault, it's just the way things are"

That's a load of bullcrap, that's what I believe

There is nothing else about life than what you've made out of it.

Stop judging me, no I'm not a genius

I'm not retarded either, or antisocial

Nobody is 'normal' and I am certainly not

I just won't laugh at your jokes and you won't get mine.

Lost Things

Lost things

An old crush, the joy you have felt

when you saw him smile at you

A stuffed dog, missing one eye

A half filled diary

where you only wrote

when you were sad

And a half eaten cookie

you know you've just left there...

Lost things

The second button of your coat

where did it go, you clearly remember pocketing it

The simplicity of everyday life

when you were five years old

The last tear you've shed for the one who left

The first kiss you've shared with the one who never will...

Lost things

Those five pounds you've worked so hard to get rid of

Those hundred bucks you've worked so hard to make

The lucky charm you used to carry in your wallet

The box marked "handle with care" you've accidentally forgot

while moving, in your old apartment

Your favorite shirt, all torn and stained

one day your mom must've had enough

And the occasional umbrella,

she insisted you should carry around...

Lost things

The words you wrote down, thinking they were clever

The thoughts that you didn't, since they were not.

Nights filled passion, nights filled with pain,

Nights that you were certain, were actually days

Days that were sunny, happy and bright

And days that made you wish you haven't woken up

Trips to the market, trips to the park

Trips to overseas, trips that lasted a little too long

And a small handbag you didn't realize that was left behind,

after a hurried train ride...

Lost things they all are, never again to be found

Lost things that contributed to how your life is now

You will still lose a great many things along the way

Just make sure you keep the ones dearest to you in a safe place...

A dream that I had last night

I was writing a poem in my dream.

It was about someone

who no longer has any importance for me.

But in my dream he mattered.

I was thinking how we walked to the sea,

considering holding hands for a moment

but deciding it wouldn't be appropriate.

I was avoiding to mention him explicitly,

instead I was looking for metaphors

best to describe that afternoon in the city,

during the hot, humid summer of 99

when I found myself in love and heartbroken.

As dreams go, I was at home, thinking, writing,

but at the same time I was on that seaside, too.

Walking next to him, in silence,

smelling the salt from the harbor,

trying to ignore the cries of the seagulls.

And also, I was watching myself write,

commenting on how easy the words flow

if one is writing about something so clear

so important, so real,

without even suspecting

that all this was nothing but a trick of my mind.

The moment I realized it was a dream,

(the moment I found myself awake)

I grabbed something to write on.

But the poem, which I knew was one of my best,

maybe even the best one of all,

was already lost, hurrying to that hidden place

where fragments of past dreams

not meant to be remembered go.

I wanted to recreate it, reshape those words.

I desperately reached for those memories

I knew they were once strong enough

to provoke many of my sincerest poems.

Then disappointed I realized

how faint they were now.

Not forgotten but just kept there

like a place holder, marking the lack of all the things

I would experience in the years to come.

Well, even with the poem lost and the inspiration gone,

It was still a dream worth writing about.

Shallow

I cut my hair today

Closed the scissors on one brown lock

And watched it fall down,

A moment ago, among the crowds

But now, suddenly, alone

One by one, others followed

Silent, resigned, without hurry

I looked down on the growing little heap on the ground

Metaphors escaped me

It did look like a heap of cut hair, nothing more

And the remaining ones, still attached to their roots

Curled up just a little bit more.

I cut my hair today

Because it felt like the right thing to do

Then cleaned the floor

Pushing the once cheerful now dead mess with a broom

If you had even a bit of imagination

You would think it now looked like a mouse

A dead mouse, of course, in the trash can

In my bathroom, in my house

And I almost felt sorry for it

Well, you already know, I cut my hair today

And wrote a poem about it

Not because there is nothing more worthy to write a poem about

but because of all the things that are in my mind right now

this was the most shallow

and I wouldn't be able to handle anything deeper than that.

I'm in love

It didn't happen all of a sudden

I actually had more than enough time to see it coming

But it's like looking at the approaching avalanche

And not being able to move, escape

I'm so overwhelmed by the strength of it

Tears fill my eyes, and I can't help it

I feel dizzy, every breath I take hurts

I find myself thinking of him again and again

When he is not here, nothing makes sense

I didn't know I was capable of such emotions

My bed gets bigger and bigger every night

I started to fill the other half with toys

And it becomes harder and harder to fall asleep

The world looks different, I can't explain

I'm supposed to be happier, but I'm just confused

I'm terrified that something can happen to him

Irrational thoughts poison my mind

I'm finally, undoubtedly in love

And it turns out, I don't know how to deal with it.

time

minutes pass by

the coffee gets cold

snow melts away

hours pass by

the heart gets cold

anger melts away

years pass by

the city gets cold

life melts away...