Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Lost


I have this feeling of loss
It creeps in from the corners of my house
It follows me from a distance, 
Hiding, in the shadows
I kick the leaves around, searching for it
I look in between the autumn clouds
I stare at my screen, for hours and hours
I don't know what I have lost
I don't even want to find it, it's just the feeling
As if telling me that not everything is alright
And I'm scared that this might be true


Sunday, August 10, 2008

mind games


You really shouldn't talk to me like that
You ought to know better, being older and such
You're giving me a challenge
and I'll sure as hell act on that...

Innocent eyes you have, innocent smile
So friendly, humorous and nice
I wonder what you think about though
When you are alone at night

So far you seem to me like a boy
who never wants to grow up
But the world has different expectations
How do you cope with that?

Normally in this situation
I would say the things you'd like to hear
That nothing is your fault
and the world is unfair
But it's not as much fun like that
and you are not that beautiful
Let's see if brutal honesty this time
will get me any further...


Monday, July 28, 2008

Coming Back

Coming back is having my heart ache again
Feeling the world close up around me
Feeling weak, stupid, unable
There are things I can't get over
And things I just can't ignore
I'm an outcast, a dreamer
It's more obvious than ever that
No one understands me here
No one wants to give it a try
It's all their ideas about how I should feel
And their feelings of how things should be
And me, as anxious to leave as ever...

I am what I am, why can't you accept it?
Is that so hard after so many years?
Is it so hard to listen and pretend
At least for a couple of days?

You are what you are, why can't I accept it?
Is that so hard after a whole year?
Is it so hard to listen and pretend
At least for a couple of days?

Well, maybe, we are just not compatible...

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

you have no power over me

I can't stop thinking
About that fairy tale that wasn't
My imagination changes it
The story continues in my dreams
I find myself lost in it

My body aches for his touch
For his lips, mine beg
I find myself as a little girl again
Wishing, and secretly hoping
Against everything I stand
That stories could become real

I know I'm not any different
From all the social misfits before me
Not satisfied with just the reality
I'm not looking for perfection
But something so faulty
That comes out perfect from the other direction

I wish he would stop torturing me in my dreams
And come to torture me for real...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

timeless

The time is passing
First I watch the minutes go by
One by one, very slowly, in the beginning
Then they turn to hours
Hours become days, as they usually do
Faster and faster, like a river in the spring
getting loose from it's icy prison

I watch the time pass by
As I sit in a corner of my mind
Untouched
Now and then, past wounds ache
Past laughters tinkle, occasionally
Especially on nights like this
When now is just a dim shadow
Dragging it's heavy load of 'to-do's
Like a ghost drags it's chains behind

I start remembering
My mind, like the ocean waves,
Carries pieces from the sunken ships of the past
to the shores of my memory
I start remembering fragments of dialogs
Bits of old wishes and hopes
Images of faces and places
Which were buried beneath the algae piles
of my everyday concerns
I sit on the sands like a curious child
Pick them one by one, as if they were seashells
And listen to what they have to say
Some just whine and then fade
In the bright sun of today
Some cast longer shadows
Making me question my choices
But all of them belong to the shore I know
The sandy edge between dreams and reality
Even though I like to take a walk there
every once in a while
Deep inside I know
I don't really care about them anymore.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

winter blues

How can one say 'I miss you' properly?
How does one manage to make it still sound real
Even though it has been repeated so many times
How can I express this feeling of absence
This longing, that hits me from time to time
Making me forget everything around
And think about a certain train ride
Which seemed infinite at first
And became one of the shortest ever, later...

Life changes in a funny way
Where we were then, where we are now
How can one manage to have
a piece of my heart forever
Even if I only saw him three times

It's another cold winter
My mind wanders to a cemetery in a strange city
Then to a plate of gnocchi and a glass of wine
I walk faster to get home...