when the tide comes in

Standing just in front of the precipice
Looking down, getting dizzy
Looking up, losing hope
One more step and all pain is over
Or maybe it'll all just start

Love, it's not about you
Don't look at me with those big, beautiful eyes
Don't talk to me with those soft, sweet words
You're just making it worse

Standing face down to the grass
Listening it grow, lost in thoughts
There is a beehive in my head
A heavy stone in my heart

Beauty have lost its sparkle
And success is nothing but a word now
Just a concept, floating around
Well, both are capricious mistresses anyway
Never ever to be trusted

Balancing on a sharp edge
Will I fly or will I fall?
There are hard decisions to be made
There will be prices to be paid
For now, I just close my eyes and walk...

losing track

ein schöner Tag zum Sterben

Don't ask me about the weather
Don't talk about those little things
As if there is nothing unusual

-The ocean got crazy, whole cities are being destroyed
Aliens attacking, the sky is all covered
Earthquakes, erupting volcanoes, all at once
Don't you know how hard I struggle not to cry out?-

Don't ask me about the flowers
They died of drought, of loneliness
Everything dies, even hopes do
What do you expect, more cheerful lines?

-The storm comes and goes
The sea is always the same
But what about the shore?-

Don't keep me awake at night
I have nothing but dreams now
Don't whisper in my ear anymore
I'm tired of broken promises

-There is a face I always see
When I accidentally close my eyes
I am afraid even to blink now
Such beauty must be dangerous!-

Who is the cat, who is the mouse
Trapped in a cage of delusions
Waiting for a heart attack...

Hopeless

A red sunset over the city
A single red rose inside my chest
I cannot breathe, the thorns hurt me
I cannot breathe, the petals scatter
Missing you, I suffocate...

A starry night over the city
Shimmering eyes spying over me
Loneliness acquires substance
And wraps its forcing arms
              around my weakened body

Thick dark clouds over the city
No sun, no light, no hope
I ache for a single sincere smile
I hide myself in delusions of beauty
Your absence, love,
              is going to be the end of me

self esteem issues

I watched the stars, thinking of you
I kissed him, as if he were you
All the little flickering lights in the sky
Frowned upon me, suddenly,
and the beauty of the night was through...

Poisonous words he has, poisonous lips
A perfect picture of everything I despise
Is beauty alone capable of invoking such weakness
Or am I still just a fool,
                                          slave to ancient instincts?

What has to be done, has to be done!
I have to pick up the scattered pieces
of my broken pride, one by one,
Put them all together, swear an oath,
And finally seal it all with my blood.
Let this be the last promise I broke,
This story survived more than it is worth
Let this be the last verse about it I write...

Just for it to know

I hate the world today...

solitude is not for me

Your absence confuses me

I feel lost in a world I'm not used to

Every little problem wears a huge mask

I ran out of solutions, motivations and dreams

Even the city lost its sparkle

It's like there is nothing outside my window

I'm already bored with all kinds of entertainment

I invented, just to distract myself

Did stupid things, gave wrong impressions

Told lies, gave away secrets

And regretted them all afterwards

In the end nothing remained

I'm just numb now, daydreaming

When I'm not sleeping, which I do a lot

Everything I once longed for seem meaningless

Everything I once desired is just a handful of sand now

Even the beauty or kindness of strangers

Do nothing more than annoy me, slightly

This is sick, I know, just I can't help it anymore

This waiting around is going to kill me

Eating its way inside, transforming me to an empty cocoon

You won't find me the same as you left, I'm afraid...

fading affection

I don't know what to do
I'm not sure what to think about you
Maybe you are just a child
Immature, selfish, unkind
Terrified of getting hurt,
always on the guard...
Or maybe you just like to pretend
As if you are so amazed by yourself
But I can see all the nasty insecurity
Showing through your bitter irony.
Whatever, I'm at the end of my patience
No more soft words, no encouraging
It's no fun and you're spoilt anyway
Do something to win my heart back
Or get lost, I don't care anymore...

Strange Feelings

Jealousy creeps in like a snake
Bites here and there, spreading its poison
Not enough to kill me, yet it hurts like hell
I watch you laugh, I watch you talk
And pain strikes its roots inside me

Sweet and kind, as you always are
And as attractive as no other can ever be
They must be enchanted, I'm sure
Trying to get closer, like moths to a flame
I wish I could burn them all
By screaming that you are mine
You are mine, mine and mine only
But the ocean takes my voice away

Jealousy leaves a bitter taste in my mouth
Unshed tears cultivate new suspicions
Untold words shatter my reason
Loneliness make phantoms come alive
I'm not used to feel like this,
I can't pretend no more...
Just for you to know,
nothing is well around here anymore.

pretending to be blind

I never felt so foolish before
It was so obvious that we weren't
just what we meant to be, but something else
Something weird, nameless
I looked into your eyes
I spoke your name, again and again
And the whole world seem to be
coming apart
A private hell, so hard to be calmed.
Yet tomorrow is a brand new day
So now take a deep breath,
and blow my pain away...

paralyzed

A feeling of being lost haunts my days
I don't recognize the places I've been many times before
Faces I see everyday slip away from my memory
I find it hard to accomplish even the simplest of tasks
Like I don't remember how to do them anymore...
It's an amnesia of the weird sort
I alienate myself to everything,
just not to obsess about your absence
But it remains the only reality in the end...

a lesson learned

He was just like a sickness
Requiring bitter medicine to cure.
I took my pills of pain and anger,
Wrapped myself in thick blankets of

posed indifference,

And went on seeing him as normal,

for vaccination.

I must have been very weak in the first place

to catch him like a nasty cold.

And very stupid indeed,

to allow him to take control.

But he never saw me suffering,
not a single complaint did anyone hear.
So now I am cured,

and this is

a lesson learned...

summer blues (2)

It's midnight,
A violent summer outside

humid, hot...

We would lie in my single bed
Naked, just hand in hand
Complaining about the weather
Talking about taking another shower

happy inside...

I'll sleep on the couch tonight
If I can find any sleep at all
Or most probably,
I'll close my eyes and dream of you again
Trying not to think about
How impossible-to-reach you are...

It's midnight,
An eerie summer outside,

bluest melancholy inside...

note that

just to clear any possible misunderstandings

Sometimes, yes, all of a sudden
I find myself thinking about

your lips

How they were, how they tasted
But it's just the aftermath of a story
Which I tried very hard to forget
Everything happened long ago
Actually you are him and he is you
The same posed arrogance
The same exceptional beauty...
Anyway, well, it's just a thought
Not a desire anymore
Just wondering what if... and so on
For my own entertainment only
So, for an answer,

'no' is all you'll get...

people around me

someone is judging me based on what I write
someone thinks I am easy to manipulate
someone doesn't accept 'no' for an answer
someone broke my heart and doesn't know it
someone gives me the chance to revenge
someone tries to cheer me up, in vain
someone hopes I won't cause any trouble
someone thinks a bit too highly of himself
-but noone can do anything about the fact that-
someone went away...

questionable content

You were so beautiful last night
I just stood there, watching you
Admiring your face, admiring your naked body
Your long eyelashes shadowing your cheeks
Your lips, inspiring countless kisses
The wideness of your shoulders,
Or your perfect neck, calling out for my lips...
The smooth hair on your chest,
so inviting for my hand.
Oh, how narrow was your waist
Just above the carefully placed sheet
Revealing only so much
enough to make me burn inside
And your legs, long and strong...

I watched you and dreamt a thousand dreams
But didn't dare to wake you up
Just wanted to hold my breath
And make this moment last forever
So I wouldn't have to think
How terribly I'm going to miss you
next year...